Resilience is life-long learning – a lesson from Covid

Uncertainty is a commonly used word today.  Uncertainty creates stress – and the uncertainty in our private and work lives is escalated in a world being transformed by a pandemic that comes in waves. 

In this uncertain world, there is a lot of encouragement for us to develop a resilient mindset. It’s almost as if resilience is a silver bullet – something you can take to get you through the hardships. However, I have observed a few things over the last week that have caused me to stop and think. We need to be realistic about resilience.  Many people are finding it tough. Here are a few thoughts.

It’s okay to acknowledge and say you are not coping.

If you are not coping well through the current rounds of lockdowns and restrictions, then you are not a failure. If you are not coping with the remote workplace, then you are not a failure. If you are not coping with having your whole personal, family and work lives compressed into one physical space, then you are not a failure.  You are not unique – but you might be pretty hard on yourself when you feel you are not coping “as expected”.  Not coping “as expected”? Much (most/all) of what we are doing is new, so “as expected” is nonsensical.

And if not you, then you probably see people around you who are not coping, are experiencing difficulties, or are just plain exhausted by the continuing and protracted struggle.

The more I think about resilience, the more I understand that it is about recognising that things are not as we would prefer them.  Rapid, unexpected changes in circumstances demand quick changes – and then smash our plans anyway. The uncertainty can gnaw away at our self-confidence.  Frustrations can build and spill over to anger or panic.  It’s okay to say you are not coping. It’s okay to say you don’t know how your cope.  It’s okay to ask for help. But, it is not okay to give up and say I can’t cope. Resilience can help you from falling prey to that type of despair.

Resilience is about knowing that you can find the steps – one by one – to address hardships and uncertainties, and frustrations.  Resilience is about speaking up and saying you can’t think clearly, that you’re not as productive as your usual self, or that you don’t know how to do something in these uncertain times. Finally, resilience is accepting that you’re not weak or less than anyone for finding it hard or frustrating to live in our rapidly evolving world.

A paradox of our Covid experiences is that resilience is often about keeping in contact and simultaneously finding space/time for yourself in confined living arrangements.  Connecting is essential – not just thinking about others – but proactively reaching out. Resilience is about the power of a few kind words to brighten the day or shine a torch on a solution, or just letting people vent their frustration.  Resilience is also about giving yourself some space to chill out and re-energise.  Care for yourself so you can better care for others.

My present world is seriously disrupted, and writing out loud like this is my way of saying that life is hard at the moment. I don’t know how we will cope with the future world.  I am sure I don’t know what that world will be like. But I know that I can start to make sense of my experience and gain more control over how I respond by sharing my ideas, questions, and frustrations.  We (We, not I) will find a way, little by little.  We are social animals and thrive when we share: we talk and grow rich.

Is the Covid-world that different?  It is in the direct impacts of the pandemic and the many personal tragedies resulting.  It is in terms of scale. From another perspective, it is an example of the changes/challenges/threats occurring throughout history. We have coped with these.

By learning how to cope, we build resilience.  It’s okay to be lifelong learners and say, “I don’t know how to do this, but let’s share the challenge, make sense of our experience and find the answers together”. We can develop a more hopeful narrative.